Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I Ain't Settlin'

Most mornings I begin my day by logging into the almighty Facebook, sending out birthday greetings, reading my comments/mail, and leaving a comment or two for friends.  More often than not, I also post a quote as my status message to begin my day.  Yesterday I posted the following quote "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for".   That seemed to strike a chord with many of my friends. When I returned home last night and found more messages pertaining to that quote, I pondered it for a while. 

I noticed immediately that most responses to the quote were in terms of how that applied to a relationship.  While that may be the first thing that comes to mind for most, I saw the quote in a much broader spectrum when I first read it.  While I have also had a relationship where I felt like I "settled" for less than I deserved, I've come to think of that term in innumerable aspects.  How many people work in a job that they don't find fulfilling or rewarding, but have "settled" into a job making more money?  How many times have you "settled" for a supporting role or position because you allowed fear to keep you from pursuing something you deemed more substantial?  The list is multitudinous, as are the reasons we "settle". 

Personally speaking, I know that I have "settled" for a variety of reasons.  I've not pursued dreams I had for myself for fear of failure.  I've given up or "settled" for roles that I thought were less than I deserved because of other's perceptions of my abilities.  I've "settled" in relationships because of conditioned expectations.  Various were the reasons, but each time I talked myself into those beliefs.  Fortunately, as I've aged and grown in my experiences, I've also gained wisdom.  I resolved that my goal in life is to measure my success on my own terms and never to acquiesce to others' expectations.  I made a vow not to settle for what is easy or what is expected, but to live fully in each moment and do what makes me happy. 

I work in a job that doesn't pay well and carries little prestige, but I am happier than when I worked in positions of more authority and bigger titles.  I've been offered positions making substantially more money and refused them because I know I wouldn't be fulfilled or happy.  I enjoy what I do, therefore I don't mind going to the "job" daily.  I never have a relationship for the sake of having one, as women are often conditioned to do.  I only involve myself with someone because they truly make me happy and we are compatible.   I no longer shy away from living fully as myself, instead of what people think I should be.  I embrace who I am and don't settle for the ideas others have for me.  When I made the vow not to "settle" any more, I found a certain freedom from the "ties that bound me" and a happiness I never knew existed. 

These lyrics from a song by Sugarland called "Settlin'".  What a wonderful way to think ! 

I ain't settlin' for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time

Do you "settle" for too many things or have you in the past?   What are your reasons for doing so?  If you broke free of those patterns, how did you do it?   Let's talk about it. 


  1. Yes, I have settled. I am currently "settling" in my job. For strictly financial reasons. Am not really happy, but secure for now. I have also settled in the past with relationships, but finally found "the one" as you know. Gonna try to break out of the cycle, but as you know, nothings easy. Love ya!

  2. Well E, we all go through that I think. I hope you soon get past it and can work for yourself or in a job where you are TRULY happy. You have the talent !! :)

    I'm so glad you are so happy with your personal life. You and Kelly seem really good together.

    Love you too !

  3. i settled for 20 years...with a job, a relationship for 8 of em, and kept thinking i would become a rockstar...time has a way of realigning priorities, and it will be one of the first lessons i teach my son as he grows that my life is most likely more than half over,I see the errors of my ways earlier on in life and still have some time to adjust them to finish strong, and I am by becoming a Pharmacy Tech and achieving stability for the first time in my life. I still wish fame would swing my way, but I will let fate and destiny deal that card, for now im playin it safe and enjoying being a grown up finally :) great blog Sunshine. I forgot how good of a writer you are :)