Thursday, June 16, 2011

Changing my page

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to start doing most of my blogging under 

instead of this page.  Because my nickname is "Sunshine", it has confused people to see the "okiefaith" blogspot link with a blog and name carrying "Sunshine".  I will probably leave this page open (and I have changed the Title to "Okie Faith") and use it on occasion, but hope that you will follow me on the other page. 

Much love,


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dogged Dislikes

 Recently I've jumped back into the realm, albeit slowly, of blogging again.  I don't claim to be a writer and I don't claim to be any good, but I enjoy the distraction and release that writing brings to me.  Sometimes I may actually write, sometimes I may fulfill a "tag", but I write for myself so I'm not worried about it being wonderful.   If anyone else enjoys it or finds anything interesting in it, that is a bonus!   

 Today I am following the lead of one of my friends (and a terrific writer!), Beth.  You can check her out here:  Word Nerd .  You will thoroughly enjoy her writing and may even decide to participate in a blogging group she leads called GBE (Group Blogging Experience).  Beth did a list of things she is NOT a fan of.  With that being said, I'm going to post a list of my own.  Ruh roh....scary!   I think originally these were done with 100 items, but I'll keep it to 25 just because I LOVE more things than I will ever hate or dislike.  Life really is good! 

Sunshine's Dogged Dislikes

1.   Liver.  There is NOTHING that anyone could ever do to change my mind.
2.   Monday mornings.  Yes, I'm one of THOSE people.  :)
3.   The price of gas.  If prices keep going up, we'll be spending as much on gas as we do on rent/mortgages. Good grief!!
4.   Freeloaders.  Plain and simple, if I have to work for what I want then why should others expect handouts? 
5.   Double Standards.  This is an area that absolutely infuriates me I assure you that you will NOT like me when I am that mad. 
6.   Smoking. Sorry folks, but it bothers my allergies, it stinks, and I have cared for (and lost) family because of smoking (read CANCER)....and I don't want to be around it.
7.   False friends. I would rather have one REAL friend than 100 superficial ones. 
8.   Two-faced people. It doesn't matter to me if you like me - I don't need you to. Don't pretend to tho' and then talk about me behind my back. Have a backbone!
9.   The current trend in who is considered a "celebrity" and how they are almost idolized. Snooki? Seriously??? What a sad statement about society.
10.  Most politicians; I doubt much more needs to be said. 
11.  Bad drivers.  
12.  Going into a store with 30 checkout lines and only 2 are open!
13.  The fact that we don't have recess and naps every day as adults.  ;-)
14.  People who incessantly whine about having nothing to do, but never leave their homes.
15.  Political correctness.& Give me a break! This has gone way too far. 
16.  Kobe Bryant
17.  Needing to "dial 1" for English. Sorry to offend, but this is the United States of America. English is our primary language.  I should not have to dial something special to have English spoken to me.  Grrrrr!
18.  Disrespectful/inconsiderate people. 
19.  The fact that there aren't more zero's on the end of my paycheck.  :)
20.  People who think I can't be happy because I'm single. WAKE UP!
21.  Parents who don't control their children in public places.
22.  Bland food. Yuck! 
23.  Whining. 
24.  Jealousy. Stupid and an often dangerous emotion.
25.  Distance that I can't cover frequently. (My friends are spread around the world, which means I can't see everyone as often as I would like)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What would you say?

A milestone passed, new things begun, dreams as shining as the sun, a goal achieved, a victory won!
As I sat through another graduation on Saturday evening, it gave me pause for reflection.  I watched the faces of the students, beaming with excitement as they finished one chapter in their lives and were looking forward to another.  I watched the faces of the parents, filled with pride and perhaps a bit of angst.  My own emotions were a mix of happiness, pride, and perhaps astonishment over how quickly the years have passed with these kids that I have grown to love.

While I contemplated how fast the past four years had moved, the Class Orator began delivering his speech.  This young man is academically brilliant; his wisdom way beyond his years.  He is talented and well-rounded, but somewhat shy.  I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  He began by welcoming everyone, then sheepishly explained how he had been filled with anxiety trying to figure out what he would speak about.  He explained that he was having difficulty and had no ideas up until the night before.  Then he explained how he finally found his topic and how it flowed easily from that point. 

In his sixth grade year, one of his teachers had her students write a letter to their 12th grade selves as a writing assignment.  She kept the letters they wrote.  This year, she gave each student the letter they had written as a sixth grade student.  Our class speaker had not read his letter until the night before graduation.  He had wanted to read that when he felt it would be most signifcant to him.  He read excerpts from that letter in his speech and expounded on a variety of topics, including some of the differences, some of the similarities, and the growth between that 6th grade student and the 12th grade student.  It was truly one of the of the better speeches I've heard in a commencement excercise....and I've been to a lot of them over the years.  I wish I had a copy of it that I could paste here for all to read.  It encompassed wit, humor, intelligence, forsight, and wisdom that it often takes people a lifetime to gain.  He did an exceptional job and it prompted a lot of converstation after graduation. 

I think the concept of a letter to your future self was a brilliant assignment from the teacher that taught these kids in 6th grade.  I know it was also something those same kids treasured when given the letter as they were preparing for their graduation.

Have you ever had a similar assignment or done something like this on your own?  If so, how did it unfold?   Did it give you insight or teach you anything?   If you had to write a letter to your "future self" now, what would you say?  I would love to hear your ideas/feedback.      


Monday, June 6, 2011

I was lost, but now I'm found

I was fortunate to grow up in a close-knit family, without the trials that many others have to go through.  My parents loved each other, they loved us, and we had a good life as a military family.  We moved a lot and it was hard each time leaving friends, but I learned a lot doing so, I made friends quickly, and always adapted well.  I was popular, always in pretty good shape, participated in a wide range of activities and sports, and by outward appearances, had a pretty perfect life.  In many ways I was confident, and often almost fearless, but there was a monster growing inside of me and I never even knew it.

Homecoming 1980

In my 20's, and even 30's,  I started losing bigger pieces of myself.  Why didn't I know it or see it?  Why didn't anyone else?  As simple as it seems, I think it is because I was in denial.  I  had convinced myself that all of the problem was me.  I would never measure up.  Others couldn't see through the smiles I wore or they gave up on getting their message through my occasionally hard head.   (It IS my blog, so I can say it was OCCASIONALLY.  ha! ha!)   What was this monster?  It's simple,  I had become a

Yep, that was me......a diehard, people pleaser.  When you are living for everyone else or their expectations, you become a shell of the person you would/could/should be.   My insecurities built.  The harder I tried to please each person, the more I felt like I was failing.  It was impossible to live up to the expectations of that many people.  The more I felt like I was failing, the less secure I became and the more I tried to do.  I looked for security and happiness in external ways, the worst of which was my belief that WHO I was started to become less about me and more about the people I was with.   It became clearly evident in the way I chose relationships.  What a vicious cycle!   Don't get me wrong, not everyone could see that despair and very few even knew about it.  I internalized most of it because....well, I couldn't let everyone down.  I LOST my identity.  That sounds dramatic, but it is true. 

It wasn't until I was in my mid-30's that I really felt like I hit bottom.  I knew I had to make changes.  I filed for divorce, made some changes in my life, and started using the word NO more often.  Remarkably, life started improving.  I shelved the dating world for a while, so I could examine my life and become reacquainted with my own feelings, dreams, and desires.  I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but that was one of the most sound decisions I ever made.  As cliche' as it sounds, I had FOUND myself again. 

Now celebrating the 21st anniversay of my 25th birthday (hey, I can be 25 if I want to be! Tee hee hee!), I am truly happier than I've ever been in my life.  I don't have the body I did in my 20's, but I'm more secure in it.  I don't  feel guilty for living my life for me and my desires.  I don't care how that is perceived any more.  I am okay with saying no and meaning it.  I stand up for myself and I won't tolerate other people disrespecting me.  I am not afraid to remove toxic people from my life, no matter who they are.  I have a great family and the two most terrific kids that ever exisisted!!  My friends are TRUE friends; not the superficial type.  I have made significant strides in the kind of man I will accept in my life, although there is a little room for improvement.  Tee hee hee !   Is life perfect?  Not by any stretch of the imagination, but whose life is?  Life isn't supposed to be perfect.  It is about savoring the important things, growing every day, and EXPERIENCING everything there is to offer. 

Yes, I was LOST, but now I'm FOUND.........and I'm pretty damned happy.   If there is one thing I can ever pass along that I would want someone to pay attention to, it is this:  True happiness comes from within.  You will never find it externally.  You ARE something special !   Although I don't believe anyone is perfect, this song resonates with me because I believe we should all feel this way THROUGHOUT our lives.  (Excuse the language)