What is YOUR choice?

Many people know me by my nickname, Sunshine. I've been told on more than one occasion that it fits me well. Most people assume the nickname is because I am upbeat and happy most of the time. It isn't why I have that nickname, but I try to live up to that "image" people have of me. I assure you that I am not always happy and upbeat. There are times that I am carrying ten pound bags under my eyes and could probably wrestle a lion in to a pretty good choke-hold, but I TRY to focus on the positive on a daily basis.

I am sharing those things about myself because recently I received an email from a friend who is really struggling right now. She asked me how I can manage to be so upbeat and optimistic when life sometimes seems so dismal. I am not sure why, but it sort of surprised me that she saw me that way. All I could do was encourage and support her -- and explain to her what worked for me. I hold no claim on knowing what is best for others. I definitely don't believe I am a "wise counsel" or an example in any way, but I was willing to share what works for me. That is simply all I know how to do.

I have not always been a "Pollyanna". I have had my fair share of negative things in my life. There were times in my life that I was miserable and unhappy. Fortunately, I had the good luck of being slapped in the head by the whispers (or screams) of the universe. If I wanted happiness, I was the person responsible for finding it. Thank the heavens that I was granted at least enough wisdom in my life to listen to the whispers. :)

Even now, my friends joke that I'm one of the only people they know that really does have a black cloud hanging over them. We laugh about it a lot. I'm the one they preface or end stories with the phrase "only you". Isn't that all in perspective tho'? Honestly, how can I complain? I haven't lost everything in my life to a Tsunami and earthquake. I don't have a life-threatening illness. I am not sleeping on the streets in the cold/heat. I am not living in fear for my life every day because of violence where I live. When I look around me or at the world at large, there are so many people that have much more difficult circumstances to deal with than I do. How selfish would I be to whine daily and dwell in constant negativty because life isn't easy? Who said it would be easy?

Some of the people who "have it worse" are also some of the very people with the most positive attitudes I know. They are a source of inspiration to me. The people of Japan have astounded me in the way they have handled tragedies of such immense proportion. For people familiar with where I live, Oklahoma City has been a role model in overcoming tragedy and building from the experience to give meaningful lessons and purpose to LIVING. I have a dear friend who lost a child three years ago, yet he has gone on to start a foundation to support and encourage other kids to be successful and happy in their lives. I have a friend in the hospital right now that just had surgery for a tumor on his brain stem. His entire life is impacted, but he is keeping everyone else in good spirits with his humor and his determination, instead of the other way around. If people in situations like those can find joy in life, why can't everyone else? My firm belief is that happiness is a CHOICE. Yes, I said it. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. Life might not be what we want or dream of, but why not choose to find joy while you are living? The alternative is death. Doesn't sound real appealing to me right now. ;-) Having said that, let me also add this, even if staring death in the face, wouldn't you want your last days/weeks/months/years to be filled with positive influences so you could enjoy the time you had left? What purpose would it serve to allow yourself to become so mired in negative mindset and negative behavior that you spend the time you have left without any joy or happiness?

How do you find joy or optimism when life is tough? That can be difficult sometimes, but it can be done with determination. Sometimes it takes determination. Personally, for me, it has been a lot of simple things that led me to finding contentment and joy. Every morning I find a quote that gives me purpose or focus. I post it on Facebook to encourage myself. Guess what? Other people started responding and soon I found myself taking pleasure in encouraging/inspiring other people or just initiating a thread. I surround myself with things that I love. I work in education, so there isn't a lot of money to splurge on things I love, but you don't HAVE to have money to find pleasure. I throw that in because I always hear that as an excuse or an obstacle to happiness. Water relaxes me, so I find myself walking around the lake or indulging in a hot bubble bath often. I LOVE music, so there is ALWAYS music in my life, whether that be on the radio, a CD, or somewhere else. I keep myself busy. If you don't have money, you still have opportunities. Volunteer, take turns cooking dinner or go out on occasion with friends, start a fun group activity, seek out the FREE things to do in your community, read, write, or find your inner child and play in the park again! There are countless ways to find pleasure, but you have to DESIRE to do so. Some days it may seem like an effort, but do it anyway! It will sound contrite and cheesy, but once you begin to focus on the small, positive things you have in your life, the troubles don't seem so insurmountable. Find role models, read inspirational stories, or ANYTHING that will keep you from focusing on what you find negative in your life. The following quote may seem simple and some may even laugh, but I CHALLENGE you to heed the words, live by them, and see if there is a difference in your life and your outlook soon.

Think excitement, talk excitement, act out excitement, and you are bound to become an excited person. Life will take on a new zest, deeper interest and greater meaning. You can think, talk and act yourself into dullness or into monotony or into unhappiness. By the same process you can build up inspiration, excitement and surging depth of joy. - Norman Vincent Peale

What is YOUR choice?

I Ain't Settlin'

Most mornings I begin my day by logging into the almighty Facebook, sending out birthday greetings, reading my comments/mail, and leaving a comment or two for friends.  More often than not, I also post a quote as my status message to begin my day.  Yesterday I posted the following quote "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for".   That seemed to strike a chord with many of my friends. When I returned home last night and found more messages pertaining to that quote, I pondered it for a while. 

I noticed immediately that most responses to the quote were in terms of how that applied to a relationship.  While that may be the first thing that comes to mind for most, I saw the quote in a much broader spectrum when I first read it.  While I have also had a relationship where I felt like I "settled" for less than I deserved, I've come to think of that term in innumerable aspects.  How many people work in a job that they don't find fulfilling or rewarding, but have "settled" into a job making more money?  How many times have you "settled" for a supporting role or position because you allowed fear to keep you from pursuing something you deemed more substantial?  The list is multitudinous, as are the reasons we "settle". 

Personally speaking, I know that I have "settled" for a variety of reasons.  I've not pursued dreams I had for myself for fear of failure.  I've given up or "settled" for roles that I thought were less than I deserved because of other's perceptions of my abilities.  I've "settled" in relationships because of conditioned expectations.  Various were the reasons, but each time I talked myself into those beliefs.  Fortunately, as I've aged and grown in my experiences, I've also gained wisdom.  I resolved that my goal in life is to measure my success on my own terms and never to acquiesce to others' expectations.  I made a vow not to settle for what is easy or what is expected, but to live fully in each moment and do what makes me happy. 

I work in a job that doesn't pay well and carries little prestige, but I am happier than when I worked in positions of more authority and bigger titles.  I've been offered positions making substantially more money and refused them because I know I wouldn't be fulfilled or happy.  I enjoy what I do, therefore I don't mind going to the "job" daily.  I never have a relationship for the sake of having one, as women are often conditioned to do.  I only involve myself with someone because they truly make me happy and we are compatible.   I no longer shy away from living fully as myself, instead of what people think I should be.  I embrace who I am and don't settle for the ideas others have for me.  When I made the vow not to "settle" any more, I found a certain freedom from the "ties that bound me" and a happiness I never knew existed. 

These lyrics from a song by Sugarland called "Settlin'".  What a wonderful way to think ! 

I ain't settlin' for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time

Do you "settle" for too many things or have you in the past?   What are your reasons for doing so?  If you broke free of those patterns, how did you do it?   Let's talk about it. 

Quick note

Once upon a time, in a land that seems far away, I blogged on a semi-regular basis on Myspace.  I realized recently that I have missed that forum to some degree.  I never wrote for anyone, but more as a respite from the world at large.  Little did I know that I would find a lot of pleasure in writing, nor did I realize I would gain a lot of friends in that forum.  So, with a little more time on my hands these days and certain people encouraging me to start writing again, I've decided to jump back on the "blogging bandwagon". 

There will be more to come soon.  Here we go.............